Does your 2-year-old throw food to the ground if they don’t like it? Whine or cry when told to go to bed before they’ve finished playing? Kick or lash out when their toys are put away?
Welcome to the “terrible twos”, where even the most patient parents are put to the test! But before you despair over your toddler’s future based on this stage of development, remember: tantrums are not only natural but also manageable!
In fact, tantrums can be vital to your toddler’s growth in a way. We’ll explain why and share tips from our educators on how to navigate your child’s ‘terrible twos”.
What are temper tantrums?
Tantrums can come in many forms, from screaming fits to breath-holding spells. Yet virtually all of them stem from this fact: your child is still learning self-regulation.
Toddlerhood is when little ones get their first taste of many things, from speech to independent movement. It’s also when they start to test the limits of their newfound abilities in the world.
Those limits are often the tantrum triggers. A toddler may realise their inability to express thoughts due to insufficient language skills. Another might have wanted to stay in and play all day, only to be taken against their will to a doctor’s appointment.
When things like these happen, we adults know how to deal with the frustration. By comparison, a toddler is still learning how to regulate these negative emotions or reactions, which inevitably often leads to tantrums, a way for toddlers to vent negative emotions or express dissatisfaction. They don’t know how to communicate these feelings yet or ease negative sensations, so the tantrum erupts as a way of “letting out the steam”.
Managing Toddler Tantrums
Helping children manage tantrums (or even avoiding them) is a great way to teach them how to manage unpleasant feelings.
Here are some tips from our educators to help you teach your child how to communicate needs, control reactions and practise emotional regulation.
1. Clarify routines and limits to avoid surprises
When children encounter something unexpected, they can be alarmed enough to have a meltdown. Preparing them for what’s to come can prevent that. The same goes for telling them what they are allowed to do and what they’re not, at the start of every activity..
For example, at Star Learners, we work with parents to ensure children know their dropoff and pickup routines for preschool. Fixed schedules – like set hours for mealtimes and play – also help our little ones better understand what’s to happen.
2. Acknowledge feelings and show how to manage them
Helping children identify and acknowledge their feelings can do a lot to stop tantrums, which are just their way of trying to express things they don’t know how to communicate yet.
Parents can start by asking their child how they feel when they seem unhappy, then help them find the words to express themselves. From there, they can assure their child that they understand why they feel that way, and not brush off their behaviour as being ‘difficult’ or worse still, ‘naughty’. Parents should also help their child learn how to deal with such feelings, perhaps by doing things that make themselves feel better.
3. Prepare distractions
One of the best ways to stop tantrums is to make sure children have something else to do other than dwell on the negative emotions powering the tantrum. This is why it helps to always have distractions ready, from their favourite toys to a quick snack that they’ll enjoy.
4. Learn and provide for common triggers
If you pay close attention to your child’s behaviour and mood patterns, you may actually be able to anticipate when a tantrum might be coming on! Over time, for example, you might realise that your child tends to have tantrums when sleepy or hungry.
Once you identify these common triggers, you can plan for them accordingly. For instance, to reduce the possibility of a tantrum when you head out of the house, make sure your child gets a nap and a meal before you make the trip.
5. Allow them a measure of control
Toddlers often throw tantrums when they’re frustrated by what they perceive to be a lack of control. A good way around this is to allow them some control over things you ask them to do – specifically, by offering two to three options for them to choose from.
For instance, let’s say you’re teaching your child how to brush their teeth. Instead of just telling them to brush their teeth, ask them if they want to use their favourite cup for rinsing or another one. You can even ask if they want to wash their face or brush their teeth first.
6. Stand firm
Acknowledging tantrums is one thing, but giving in to them is another. Generally, you should avoid giving in to children’s tantrums. Otherwise, you’ll teach them that tantrums are effective in getting what they want, leading them to repeat the behaviour.
7. Praise them for calming down
Once your tantrum-soothing attempts work, make sure your child knows that they’ve done well in calming down. Offer praise as positive reinforcement so they’ll learn that this is the preferred behaviour.
8. Be mindful of your own emotions
All of the tips above have to do with children’s feelings, but there’s something else that can affect tantrums and your management of them: your own emotions!
Facing tantrums can be a tiring challenge, so it’s vital to take a deep breath when you feel like you’re getting too close to the edge. If you give in to the emotions, you may end up adding fuel to the fire instead of calming your child.
By keeping your own emotions in check, you can provide an example for your child to emulate, which may help lead them out of the worst tantrums.
Let us help guide your toddler through this phase
At Star Learners, our teachers are trained to guide children through emotional development and communication from toddlerhood. Through strong parent-preschool partnerships, we work alongside parents to help them navigate behavioural challenges in their children, and provide them with valuable advice on how to manage them at home in the same ways we manage them in school.
If you want to learn more about our programmes and how we can help your child’s social development in their early years, do enquire with us. You can also register your interest for a virtual tour at any of our 43 Star Learners centres island-wide!