Time-outs are among the oldest parenting tricks in the book. A lot of us have likely experienced them, although they can look different from one family to another.
Of late, though, there have been mixed views on time-outs. As we head into a new era of parenting, ideas of discipline are changing and traditional parenting strategies like these are being re-assessed.
Have you used time-outs with your child? Do you find them effective? If you, like us, are not fans of it, what are some possible alternatives?
What is a time-out?
At its simplest, a time-out is when you tell your child to sit quietly in an isolated area or room as a disciplinary action. It may be for a set period or not.
Either way, the experience is generally designed to be dull to serve as negative reinforcement. No child would want to sit quietly in a spot when they could be playing or having fun!
The “non-stimulating” experience of time-outs is also often used to provide children with a break from their emotions. It supposedly helps them to calm down and think about their behaviour or feelings.
Do current perspectives on child discipline support time-outs?
There are both critics and supporters with good cases to make for and against time-outs.
Critics of time-outs include psychology experts, who believe that time-outs have the following disadvantages:
They can cause undue pain and isolation to children.
They may deny a child’s need for connection in times of distress.
They may make it harder for children to learn how to manage emotions.
On the other hand, authorities like the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommend time-outs, especially for instances of oppositional defiant behaviour.
So… who’s correct?
Time-outs may look different from one situation to another. That may matter in whether or not a time-out ends up being effective – or unnecessarily distressing.
No Naughty Corners Allowed
At Star Learners, we do not believe in time-outs as children, at such a tender age, should not be left alone to manage their emotions. Instead, our educators are trained on age-appropriate ways to guide behaviour, and to provide space and support for children when they are feeling big emotions.
Instead, we advocate for “calm corners” where the child can head to, when emotions are running high. Such corners usually include soft elements, comforting objects, and resources to help the child regulate his or her emotions. A teacher typically accompanies the child or is just an arm’s length away, to ensure his or her safety in the corner. Once the child calms down and shows readiness to rejoin the class, the teacher will then assist in guiding him or her back to the classroom.
The early childhood education experts call this a “time-in”.
1. What exactly is a time-in?
Time-ins are quite similar to time-outs. They provide a break from the situation for children to calm down and express themselves. However, instead of simply removing children from the environment that might be triggering them, time-ins call for the presence and guidance of a caregiver, who can sit with them to discuss their feelings and behaviour.
During this time, the caregiver’s main role is to provide comfort until the child is calm enough to communicate. A simple technique is to guide them with calming exercises like deep breathing and counting to 10.
When the child is calm enough, it is time to talk him or her through the behaviour that sparked the time-in.
1. What exactly is a time-in?
Time-ins are quite similar to time-outs. They provide a break from the situation for children to calm down and express themselves. However, instead of simply removing children from the environment that might be triggering them, time-ins call for the presence and guidance of a caregiver, who can sit with them to discuss their feelings and behaviour.
During this time, the caregiver’s main role is to provide comfort until the child is calm enough to communicate. A simple technique is to guide them with calming exercises like deep breathing and counting to 10.
When the child is calm enough, it is time to talk him or her through the behaviour that sparked the time-in.
2. Redirect their behaviour
Explain what the child has done wrong and try redirecting the action from an undesirable to a desirable one. The idea here is to guide the child towards appropriate activities when they start to misbehave.
For example, if they start throwing toy blocks, redirect them into building structures to show how to play with the toys safely and appropriately. Or, if they’re running around indoors, bring them to a playground where they can do it safely without running into or knocking over objects.
Explaining what’s acceptable by showing it to them is a great way to provide contrast to undesirable behaviour. It turns “don’t do this” into “do this instead”.
3. Show them how actions lead to consequences
If your child has intentionally dirtied the wall by drawing on it with crayons, giving a time-out would not help him or her learn at all.
Show that the logical consequence of that is cleaning. Get your child to help you clean up what they drew so that they see the work required as a consequence of their actions.
Since most children likely won’t enjoy cleaning up, it will help them remember to think twice the next time they consider drawing unapproved surfaces!
3. Show them how actions lead to consequences
If your child has intentionally dirtied the wall by drawing on it with crayons, giving a time-out would not help him or her learn at all.
Show that the logical consequence of that is cleaning. Get your child to help you clean up what they drew so that they see the work required as a consequence of their actions.
Since most children likely won’t enjoy cleaning up, it will help them remember to think twice the next time they consider drawing unapproved surfaces!
4. Emotion coaching
A lot of negative behaviour from children comes from their inability to express themselves well. That’s why coaching them in recognising, verbalising, and managing their emotions is important.
Start by helping them name their negative emotions. You can say things like “I can see you’re getting frustrated because you can’t play with that toy right now.”
This helps them realise that you recognise what they’re feeling and see that they’re having trouble expressing it. That can already do a lot to make them feel better!
Consider using books to help you coach your child. By talking about characters’ experiences in books they like, you can help your child understand what they might be feeling in these same situations.
In line with our literature-based curriculum, our educators do this by sharing books that illustrate different situations and feelings that storybook characters may have in similar situations. This paves the path for emotional growth as children learn to name, understand, and even empathise with feelings identified.
5. Establish clear rules and explanations
Setting rules and sharing reasons for unacceptable behaviour helps your child understand what behaviour is acceptable and what is not, allowing you both to plan for better behaviour in future.
Start by discussing clear and consistent rules. Let them know what behaviour is expected of them so they’re not left guessing.
This can help your child feel more secure because when they know the boundaries beforehand, they find it easier to determine what they should or should not try.
5. Establish clear rules and explanations
If your child has intentionally dirtied the wall by drawing on it with crayons, giving a time-out would not help him or her learn at all.
Show that the logical consequence of that is cleaning. Get your child to help you clean up what they drew so that they see the work required as a consequence of their actions.
Since most children likely won’t enjoy cleaning up, it will help them remember to think twice the next time they consider drawing unapproved surfaces!
Get more help with your child’s socio-emotional development
At Star Learners, our educators are trained to guide children’s emotional and social growth in the early years. Many of the little ones in our care quickly show maturity beyond their years, which is why so many parents vouch for our programmes.
If you want to learn more about how our programmes can benefit your child, reach out to us and register your interest for a virtual tour at any of our 44 Star Learners centres island-wide!
